Can We Stop Pretending Hygiene is Self-Care?

I've been in corporate leadership, business development, project management, and the professional coaching space for more than 30 years. I've traveled to more than 75 countries for business or other reasons, and I have clients all over the world. 

I don't say that to toot my own horn. 

To put into perspective what I am about to say: it's high time we stop pretending that basic hygiene is functional self-care. 

Honestly, it's trite and borderline offensive to convey that whatever you are struggling with is so minuscule, so insignificant, it can be solved with some bubbles, either in a glass or in a tub, or both. 

Can taking a shower or a bath soothe you? Of course, they can. Science actually indicates that showers are more helpful for easing depression than baths, because of both the sound of water flowing and the sensation of water running over our skin. Warm baths are more helpful than showers for helping you fall asleep more easily, because of the temperature swings involved in getting out of the bath, getting dry, and then getting under your covers.

Hygiene can be of assistance, yes. But it's high time we stop pointing to hygiene or spa time as realistic self-care. 

Because it's not. 

You can't use external solutions to solve internal problems. It's like the little Dutch boy trying to keep the flood back with his hand in the dam. Eventually, no matter how well-intentioned you are, it's not going to be enough. And when it's no longer enough, when what "should" be adequate fails, what do you end up doing?

You judge yourself. 

You find yourself lacking, yet again, because your external solution didn't solve your internal problem, even though everyone tells you it should work. So, if the solution works for everyone else, then it has to be you who's broken.

Wrong.

Friend, it's not working for everyone else. Everyone else also gets out of the bathroom, goes to their room, and still wants to pull the covers over their heads and try to pretend the issue doesn't exist anymore.  You are comparing your blooper reels and outtakes to the ultra-finished, award-winning falsehoods of your peers. 

When my clients come to me, one of the most common feelings they express is frustration and self-recrimination. 

I don't know why "X" isn't enough. 

I'm successful, but I don't feel fulfilled. 

There's something wrong with me, because I should be happy with where I am, but I'm not. 

And the number one thing I hear: I'm not satisfied.

As high-performers, we are driven to achieve everything within our sphere of potential. But what happens when you're aware of more, but don't know how to attain it? Pure, unadulterated frustration. Agony. Judgment. Condemnation. Shame. Guilt. Anger. The list goes on. 

But you're supposed to be made content with a glass of bubbly and a bath? 

It's ludicrous! And even worse, it's insulting that your desires and drives can be "made all better" like a Band-Aid on a child's skinned knee. 

You are a being made of Energy, full of power, some of which you've tapped, and some you haven't. You know what self-care really is? It's silence. It's the courage to sit in the stillness and embrace the void within without fear. 

And wait. 

You wait, with expectation and hope like a child at Christmas. Because the answers to everything you need are already inside of you. It's been drowned out by social media, by music, by constant obligations, by your agenda, by your responsibilities, by all your "should dos." Your soul has been waiting for you to show up, for you to embrace yourself, for you to find peace and acceptance in who you were made to be.

Wait with hope. Wait with curiosity. And do you know what shows up?

Joy. Not judgment. 

That, my friend, is real self-care.